Hi, my name’s Elizabeth and I’m a moron

 

Right now I wish more than anything that somewhere, in some dingy church basement, there was an Academic-Morons Anonymous support-group meeting I could go to tonight. I’d stand up in front of them and say, “Hi, my name is Elizabeth and I’m a moron.”

They’d all say “Hi Elizabeth!”

 

Then I’d say, “Guys, I need help. It’s only been three hours since I realized I’ve been stuck in another moronic assumption about our collective American history. I’ve only just realized that the heartwarming story of my great-great grandfather’s adoption by the Cherokee chief took place at a crisis point when white incursion had become an unstoppable tide, the Cherokee were frightened and angry, there was violence on both sides, and the Cherokee were looking for white allies to manage their increasing legal problems. This was precisely when the head chief of the mountain Cherokee just happened to decide to adopt a white kid who was literate, numerate, fluent in Cherokee, and had a brilliant encyclopedic mind.”

 

“How,” I would ask the other Academic Morons before me, “could I have not seen the obvious connection? The white boy who lived and worked in Cherokee territory needed protection from justifiably pissed-off Cherokee and the chief who was looking for white allies probably thought that having a white son could be pretty useful! I mean, DUH.”

 

And then I’d tell them that I’m feeling shaky about whether or not I’m up to this task. They’d all nod supportively and murmur encouragement. I’d sit down and someone else would come up to the front of the room and admit their struggle with moronic assumptions and I would feel better about the fact that now I have to go back and totally rewrite chapter four, just when I thought I was done revising it. Maybe I could even have a sponsor I could call at two in the morning when I felt an uncontrollable urge to relapse into my old comfy and intellectually sloppy white-person assumptions.

 

But, seriously, unlearning everything I thought I knew, and getting Kirk to unlearn all those years of believing in the sanctity of documents created by white people, has been the hardest thing we’ve had to do. I’ve always prided myself in not buying into my family’s white, Southern narratives. But working on this project I have had more I can’t believe I didn’t SEE that before! moments than I would have thought possible.

 

Here is a short list of things I’ve had to unlearn and learn differently:

  • My Scotch-Irish ancestors weren’t “fiercely independent” pioneers who wanted to replicate their lives in the mountains of Scotland and Ireland. They were people who had been ethnically cleansed, multiply displaced, and in North America were simply desperate for any land anywhere.
  • The adoption of my great-great grandfather by Chief Yonaguska is a heartwarming cross-cultural story. But it is also a story taking place in a less than heartwarming desperate and violent political context. (Duh.)
  • The North Carolina Cherokee weren’t saved by my great-great grandfather. They were a collectively governed group who decided, with their chief, to save themselves. My great-great grandfather helped them with their plan and was the interface between them and the white legal system.

Anyway, I’d like to think that every one of us is some kind of recovering moron – whether we’re recovering from gender, race, or colonialist assumptions – and that if we take it day by day, page by page, we can overcome our addiction to safe, unexamined assumptions. And if we are tempted to fall off the wagon, we can always turn to that higher power, people who are part of the dispossessed group we’re trying to write not-stupidly about.

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8 thoughts on “Hi, my name’s Elizabeth and I’m a moron”

  1. Bravo! Persevere undaunted. The sausage we call American history is a sloppy affair that is deliciously enjoyable when properly seasoned, preserved and presented.

    1. Thanks so much for the encouragement. Yesterday I certainly felt that I was in the sausage grinder rather than in the properly shaped and seasoned part of this business.

    1. David Kidd? That’s my husband’s name! Anyway, I agree, well done. I’m trying to untangle the many shameful strands of slaveholders among my ancestors (not Kidds!). Thanks for sharing this.

      1. Your belief in and excitement about this project has always been a comfort and spur to me, especially at those moments when I feel like I’m in the sausage grinder (see above comment) and might never get this dish to the table!

  2. I think I’d like to consider you in slightly less politically incorrect terms, perhaps as an “oxymoron”? Someone who, in telling a narrative, fails to render the most important contradictions inherent in the history. A standard historical narrative, consisting of simple victims and simple victors, will (deliberately? willfully?) simplify the inherent dilemmas and contradictory impulses faced by the adversaries. Good job on complicating this one.

    1. I love the idea of being an oxy-moron! And truly, I’m trying to unlearn and push aside all the simple narratives we all fall back on so that I can see something closer to “the truth.” But it’s always easier to see other people’s blinders than to perceive and remove your own. Sigh.

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